Bodily Autonomy

On the eighth day of a baby boy's life, he undergoes circumcision (Brit Milah). This is considered one of the most important commandments—a sign of the covenant between God and Abraham (Bereishis 17:10-14).

The child has no say in this permanent body modification. It's performed on a baby who cannot consent, justified by a covenant he never agreed to.

The ethical question is clear: Should parents have the right to permanently alter their child's body for religious reasons? Many people who leave Orthodoxy wrestle with this question, especially when they have sons of their own.

While circumcision is common in some cultures for various reasons, the religious framing of it as a divine covenant—performed without consent—is worth examining critically.

Vayikra 19:28 states: "You shall not make gashes in your flesh for the dead, or incise any marks on yourselves." This verse is the basis for the prohibition on tattoos in Jewish law.

The common belief that a tattooed Jew cannot be buried in a Jewish cemetery is actually a myth—there's no such halachic prohibition. But the social stigma is very real.

The truth: Your body is yours. Decorate it, modify it, or leave it exactly as it is—the choice belongs to you alone.

Tznius (modesty) is the dress code that governs how women (and to a lesser extent, men) must present themselves. For women, the requirements include:

The message is clear: a woman's body is a source of temptation, and it's her responsibility to cover it to prevent men from sinning. This places the burden of male desire squarely on women's shoulders.

The psychological impact of growing up under tznius rules is profound. Many women who leave describe feeling naked and exposed in perfectly normal clothing. Relearning comfort in your own skin takes time.

Orthodox Judaism operates on a strict gender binary. From birth, your gender determines everything—what you wear, how you pray, who you sit with in shul, what mitzvos you're obligated in, and what your role in family life will be. For transgender and gender-nonconforming people raised in this world, the consequences are devastating.

Halachic gender categories are actually more complex than most people realize. The Talmud discusses the tumtum (a person whose sex is indeterminate) and the androginos (a person with both male and female characteristics) in numerous places (Bikkurim 4:1-5, Yevamos 83a). These categories existed in the legal framework—but were treated as edge cases to be resolved, not as valid identities to be affirmed.

The prohibition at the center of the debate is Devarim 22:5: "A woman shall not wear a man's garment, nor shall a man put on a woman's clothing." This verse is regularly weaponized against trans people, interpreted to forbid any form of gender transition or cross-gender expression. But the verse was originally understood by many commentators (Rashi, Ibn Ezra) as a prohibition against deception or cross-dressing for immoral purposes—not a blanket ban on gender identity.

The "your body belongs to God" argument is applied here too—the claim that transitioning violates the prohibition of self-harm (chabalah) or that it constitutes unnecessary surgery. But this framing ignores the well-documented medical reality that gender-affirming care saves lives. Denying someone's identity in the name of religion is not "protecting" their body—it's harming them.

For those who've left: If you're trans and you grew up Orthodox, know that your identity is valid. The guilt and shame you may carry from years of forced concealment are products of the system—not reflections of who you are. Many trans people who leave Orthodox communities describe transition not just as becoming themselves, but as finally being able to breathe.